In the scope of fiction, the suspension of disbelief is what allows
people to enjoy some things. We can believe anything in fiction, no
matter how fantastical and magical they seem. However, it gets kind of
annoying when they try to explain some things with science saying that
these things could exist in a just and sane universe. This would be fine
if not for the fact that they are some times explained either HORRIBLY
or not at all. This short list is composed of what I believe some of the
worst examples of things trying to seem scientifically plausible- EVER!
A) Pokemon: Before I talk about Pokemon, let me talk about its rival
franchise Digimon. In the Digimon franchise there are creatures known as
Digimon, beings made of discarded computer data that have miraculously
gained corporeal form. Because they are from a universe where the laws
of physics basically do not exist, it makes sense for Digimon to be able
to grow metal arms or turn into puppets naturally, hell the original
cartoon even made fun of how ludicrous the world was at times. Pokemon
on the other hand, does not share this awareness of how ludicrous it is.
For those of you who never played the games the idea of Pokemon is
capturing monsters and making them fight other Pokemon(insert overused
cock-fighting joke here). And when they win enough battles and level up
sometimes they evolve to a higher form. Really it should be called
metamorphosis rather than evolution, but that's not what I'm complaining
about. What bugs me is how they actually want us to believe that these
transformations are created through natural evolution. This would make
sense except for one particular Pokemon in mind:
Blastoise. They actually expect us to believe that this thing could
actually exist through natural science based evolution.
Yeah....nooooooooooooo. No, a 150 or more times no. This is a creature
made from mad science, this is a creature that defies all logic, this is
the result of man's hubris gone too far, THIS IS A DAMN TORTOISE WITH
WATER CANNONS MADE FROM BONE CARTRIDGE! It makes even less sense looking
at it's previous forms Wartortle:
And Squirtle:
From an evolutionary-point it makes sense for Squirtle to turn into
Wortortle. It gets a bigger tail for aquatic movement and large ears to
hear sub-sonic waves in the water. Blastoise is not a logical change, it
instead goes the complete opposite direction by becoming heavier and
not even close to as hydrodynamic as its previous forms. Not to mention
the water cannons don't even make sense seeing as how it could-SHOOT
STREAMS OF WATER FROM ITS DAMN MOUTH! Why grow cannons that shoot water
when you could all-ready shoot water?
Pokemon, teaching kids the exact opposite of how metamorphosis works.
B.)Cybertronians from the Transformers: Now I am not saying that I can't
believe in robots with the technology to take on different forms, of
course not. My only problem with this is- THEY NEVER EXPLAINED IT! 28
years and the series has yet to come up with a hokey sci-fi reason for
how the Transformers can even exist! For Satan's sake it should be easy,
just a simple sentence and then I'd be fine! But no, because Hasbro
forgets that science fiction includes SIENTIFIC EXPLANATION!
C.)Silver Age Kryptonians/Krypton from Superman: Now, the original
Golden age Kryptonians make at least an iota of scientific sense. The
planet Krypton had higher gravity than Earth forcing Kryptonians to
evolve denser molecular structures in order to survive. This is
generally believable. Silver Age Kryptonians however have evolved the
ability to have numerous eye abilities from x-ray to heat beams, breathe
ice cold breaths, fly, have a force field around themselves giving them
super strength...under a different colored sun. WHAT?! How the hell
does that make sense? The science they give us is that Krypton was
incredibly radioactive so Kryptonians evolved with radioactive body
structures and are only able to be super when under the right light
frequency. Now this is almost believable until you realize that a red
sun is colder than a normal sun. And yet Krypton seemed to have a
similar bio-structure to that of a yellow-sun world. Logically, beings
under a red sun would have evolved to be weaker than that of people
under a yellow sun, and the radioactive environment would have caused
them to be weak as well. But NOPE! They were able to live happy normal
lives as well as looking like normal fully evolved hominids.
This...makes...no...SENSE! But you could argue that they being a super
advanced species due to the luck of the draw that is evolution, that
they developed immunity to radiation. Well then explain Kryptonite! That
thing is pretty much normal radiation which kryptonians should've
evolved genetic barriers towards by now and yet every time it touches
the man of steel he turns all green and weak. Logically since they have a
radioactive physiology they would face more along the lines of chemical
imbalance and would turn more crazy than weak. But they had to give the
strongest race some form of weakness(no matter how stupid it is).
Feel free to dispute me on this one, but I still feel if these guys were
beings of magic there abilities would make more sense than creatures
that evolved like this naturally.
And my top most awful thing that trys to sci-fi:
D.) Jedis from Star Wars: This isn't even close to scientifically
possible. They are basically space wizards, with magical light based
swords with beams that stop in mid-air when they should logically keep
going into the sky until said light would dissipate( I'd go more into it
but that's another thing altogether). But we were able to believe it
because it worked with the narrative as well as giving a nice spiritual
feel. And then George Lucas fucked that all up by saying that the powers
of a jedi are a scientific phenomena created by bacteria in your blood
stream called midichlorians....no. There is no damn way this can be
scientifically explained. We believed it was awesome space magic before,
and then he ruined it by saying that it is a biological condition that
some schmucks are able to get, and if you don't have it than sucks to be
you. And what makes it even worse is they still try to say the force
still exists and that the midichlorians merely help certain people
connect to the force. Uh...NO! You can not go back to magic after you
just scientifically explained it! It is either science or magic, pick
one-WERE AT WAR! This is probably one of the biggest retcons to the
franchise and is one of the most hated parts to the prequel saga. Keep
in mind there are plenty others but still.
Well those are my top my most fantasy things shamefully trying to be
sci-fi. Now some of you may think that I may be being too nit-picky but
hey...its me. Until next time, hail satan, praise christ, but fuck bhuda
cos that jerk owes me 50 bucks.
Saturday, October 6, 2012
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